AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
