Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
