You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
