if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
