Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
