It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
