I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
