Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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