Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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