so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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