Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
