i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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