What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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