I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
