so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
