Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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