nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize