well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
