I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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