i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
