GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
