Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
