I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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