so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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