first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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