The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
