someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
NoShamevember. You game?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
