I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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