There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
