Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found puke in my bra..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize