dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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