if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Randomize