y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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