i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
