def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
