Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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