I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
