I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
