just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
