im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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