why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
