Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
