end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
