i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
