Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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