It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love having hate sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize