Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
