david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
