just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
