Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
