My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
