you're like a bully in the Christmas story
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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