I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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