How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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