his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize