There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
