he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
