When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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