jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
