with your own penis?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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