Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
