So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
