hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
