I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
foreskin is a definite game changer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
