dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
God I need to hump something, right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
