Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
