All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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