Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
