hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
